How often do you get a blank canvas? Is the canvas white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?The few moments when you cast off the weight of the past, and begin to look at reality through the eyes of the present, are moments to be cherished. Annoyingly, it is painful how difficult they are to stimulate.
Tonight I sat in awe of a brilliant performance. Yes, the music was absolutely incredible, but what really caught and held my attention was his pure presence, his consciousness shining through at every opportunity. John Butler, a man of the moment, without letting up for a second. It is said that you have to see yourself in the reflection of a master, and connect with being through their own presence, and enter your own being through them. This is an ideal that became reality for me tonight, as I sat in a state of deep awe and happiness for the entirety of the performance. How on earth did that happen? And since when can I stop thinking for any amount of time?
That joy, as far as I can tell, stemmed from the feeling of being completely content in a moment. Not wishing that you were anywhere else, at another time or wearing a different shirt. You wanna know the best bit though?
Having someone to share it with.
Perhaps I'm less selfish than I thought after all. It's a slow, bumpy process, but I'm trending in the direction of the people I aspire to be like. Having said that, I do owe Claz an apology. That, unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) was because of one small point in time when I wasn't in the moment, when instead of being aware of what was happening around me, I was thinking about myself. The unfortunate bit is that I had no control over what I was doing in that moment. The fortunate part is that I can recognise it as a problem now, so hopefully, in the infinitely small future, I can catch myself before I accidentally offend someone else.
No emotion in this piece for a change, it's receded for a little while, although when it comes flooding back I suspect it will be just as jumbled as before. Figuring out what you really want- why is it so fundamentally easy, yet so hard?
Final parting thought- The present moment is all you will ever have.
