Future

Anais Nin wrote, "In the world of the dreamer there was solitude: all the exaltation's and joys came in the moment of preparation for living. They took place in solitude. But with action came anxiety, and the sense of insuperable effort made to match the dream, and with it came weariness, discouragement, and the flight into solitude again. And then in solitude, in the opium den of remembrance, the possibility of pleasure again." 


Her sentiment is frighteningly in tune with my plight at the moment. I'm in the plotting stage of the game, looking at pages and pages of potential university courses, alternate entry schemes, accommodation arrangements, etc, etc. And if I wasn't completely ecstatic about everything at present, all these moments of preparation would be quite daunting. But I am excited. I just poured my heart into this dream.


But what about my own score?? Where do I sit against the rest of Australia? To be honest, it is not something I'm proud of, nor something I am disappointed in. Considering I've basically only had 2 years of direction, and half- assed it for the majority of the year, it's actually encouraging. As the great "Don" once said, "Performance= potential- interference." This means that a) he is a very wise man, and b) I can continue to relish the challenge of getting more out of myself. As far as I'm concerned, I've got plenty more to give, and I am nowhere near done yet.


My most morbid fear of all is not spiders, the dark, or even confident women. It's actually peaking in High School. If the greatest accomplishments of my life were during this sheltered, restraining existence, then I wouldn't get very far. As I look around, I see people from our school, and other schools, getting ridiculously high ATAR's, and good on them for that. But really, what's the next step? Maybe most of the high school kids will thrive on the extra independence and responsibility, but what about the spoon-fed, babysat private school snobs, who will lose every security blanket they have? This re-assures me, giving me "the possibility of pleasure again."


Maybe someone else would dwell more on their score, possibly even be ashamed of it, but I'm ready to lock it, and all of high school, in a dusty old cupboard in some distant corner of my consciousness, because, my friends, there are far grander things out there than a stupid, insignificant little number discriminating you from the obsessive, nerdy freaks that lack life experience. I implore you all, dear readers, to simply forget about whatever your ATAR reflects; work ethic, potential or otherwise- and cash it in for a far grander prize; A truly bright future.


One final quote, for motivation. "Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."